Come Dine With Me!

Hi! Or as we say in West London, arriverderci! My name is Giles London and you probably know me from such TV programmes as "Gordon Sweary's Fucking Kitchen" and "Really Crap Early Morning ITV Movie Review Show". I also write for The Clarion Newspaper here in the UK as a restaurant critic. I have been doing this job for some seven years now and have had a tough fight up the slippery pole of the British media to get here, and now that I have attained the apex of my writing career I am anxious to prove the skills what I have got make me worthy of my place. Or something.

How did I become a restaurant critic? Well I could have spent my formative years washing dishes in Michelin starred Paris eateries, or studying the works of some of Europe's finest chefs. But instead as I was being chauffeur driven down from Cambridge after graduating, I phoned Daddy at work for some advice and he was brilliant. My father worked in the printing industry (Old Inky we called him!), so he had a few contacts in Fleet Street. so I felt sure his advice would be wise, worthy and above all, sensible. I was not wrong.

"Oh fuck all that queuing up for a job in the media, Giles. I'll sack the tosser who is our restaurant reviewer, he is nearly due to retire anyway. Should save us some money on a carriage clock and a piss up. Once you start you can write any old cobblers and get a free meal while your at it. Should keep you on the straight and narrow for a few months. Now I must dash as some of the sub-Editors are hassling me for a decision. Think I might sack the bastards..." and the phone went down. I have never forgotten those sage words.

And now with the dawning of the internet age it seems appropriate that I should launch my ever popular reviews into cyber space - and here they are in all their glory.

Ah, but what name to call these reviews, I hear you ask. Good question. Well, the naming of it was a stroke of luck. I decided to phone my pal, celebrity chef Aldo Silli while he was on honeymoon in the Bahamas recently. When he answered the phone I said:

"Hi Aldo, it's Giles here!"

"Who?" He said. Aldo is such a joker.

"Giles London. I am launching my own restaurant critic blog in cyber space and I was wondering if you had a good idea for a title for it...?" I could hear his lovely wife Thingy (for fuck's sake find out her real name before publishing GL) in the background moaning about Aldo hurrying as things were going "off the boil" - how nice he finds time to cook even on honeymoon! Aldo came back quick as a flash with the perfect title.

"Get stuffed!" he yelled, and hung up. So that's what we called it. Actually I think he said "Get stuffed you pompous little prick", but that wouldn't fit on the title page!

So tuck in guests and enjoy the sumptuous reviews!